You're unequivocally loved.

I've been unable to write here for weeks now. And it's amusing because it's something I never imagined could happen to me.

Ever.

Now, it's not like I've not had a myriad of deep, colourful thoughts come to mind, but somehow, written words haven't been enough to express them. And it's a point in my life that's still baffling to me.

But enough about this weird phase of my life.

How are you doing… really?

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I'm asking because for some reason, the Lord's been asking me this more often. I think the first time he did, my emotions were in shambles. So, I went all, "Shouldn't you already know how I feel? I'm not fine!"

And we went on to have a therapy session that involved tears, giggles and in my opinion, not enough food.

I didn't think much about it, and just chalked it up as one of the weird, random things He does once in a while. But He kept asking. In fact, he still has been doing so. And when it became like an almost-daily occurrence, I had to pause, and ask him why.

He's ever aware of my present state right? Even more than I am in fact; so, why would he ask? Why would God daily ask Ofure if she's alright.

And so, He shared a bit on it with me (though I still feel I haven't gotten the full picture sha). For now though, I know two reasons why he does so:

• He wants me to realise just how interested he is in me.

• He wanted me to be aware of my heart's state as often as possible.

Now, on to the first!

It's so easy to have this knowledge in our heads—how God is so interested in us, and cares about every detail of our lives. But very often, the extent of just how much he does care never really hits us till we get those precious, juicy moments of epiphany like the ones I've been having.

Anyone can ask about how we're doing—some do it out of curiosity, others because they really care, and some do it as a form of greeting—but it strikes a deeper, more intimate chord when we realise that God cares about stuff like that too. And I guess for me, he knew the best way to show me he did this stuff all the time was to intimate me on his thought processes towards me.

I'm still baffled and thoroughly flattered here just thinking about it. I'm like, "Awwwn, He thinks about me. He really does care."

And here's the second reason: He needs you to be constantly aware of the state of your heart, because it controls every single action or decision you take. Now believe it or not, your thoughts, your heart and your actions matter a great deal—to the world, to yourself, and especially to God himself. You're important! So, if you're not okay, and you don't even know it, then you wouldn't be aware when there's something off you need to fix; something you need to talk to Daddy about.

You need to know how you are at every point, even if the inference ends up being, "I don't know how I feel right now." You're aware of that at least, and it gives you insight on what to pray about.

There have been times when God asked me how I was, and all I could say was, "I'm breathing. I'm breathing, and even that feels like a struggle."

Yeah, I've had pretty terrible days recently, and I'm sure we all have at some point too. But one beautiful thing that comes from being aware of our states, is that we see acutely when the miracles on our insides occur.

• When the panic recedes and the acid stops churning in your belly.

• When you feel the tears stop first in your heart, before you see them stop spilling out from your eyes.

• When you experience that miracle of extreme lifting, and you know that no one else could have left you feeling so light.

Yeah. Those wonderful miracles that only a mind tuned inwards gets to trap in ambers of immeasurable gratitude. I believe God wants us to be more aware of ourselves, of his workings within us, and watch with joy as these two things lead our hearts onwards to the alpha of it all—Himself.

So, that's been one of my many processes in this season. It might make sense to only a few, but if you're among that number, then I'm glad you could relate with this.

Breathe in, breathe out, lift your head up and smile blindingly. You're unequivocally loved.