The paradox of moving on

I am standing on a precipice.

With the year coming to a steady end, words from the beginning of the year are beginning to play out before me.

And honestly, behind the anticipation, there's a mild wisp of fear.

I'm afraid of change and all it heralds.

At the beginning of the year, the Lord had already made it clear to me that I would have to let go of some things to make room for better in the coming year.

And for a long while, I have struggled with this awareness.

Letting go is difficult, even with the awareness that what you're letting go to lay hold of will be something better.

There's the ache that comes from breaking away from a pattern; a feeling of loss that comes from letting go of a routine.

For me, loving certain people had become routine, and this season of my life required their leaving.

On several occasions, I have argued, cried and even pleaded with God that He allow the proverbial cup pass me by. But over the months, I have been broken, mended and thought to lean.

And lean heavily I have.

Behind the smiles have been tears of longing, and behind the assuring words I have shared with others have been questions why.

Behind my declarations of trust have been moments where I asked the Lord if there really was no way I could have taken certain paths. And in the moments when all I could hear was silence, I've watched my pseudo-trust break to be made whole and true.

Today, I'll be taking the final step towards letting go. And like the last piece in a puzzle, I am hoping that when I do this, the picture will finally become clear.

I don't know what the coming days hold. Heck, I'm not even sure of what will happen hours from now when I say my final good bye.

But I do know I will cry, and afterwards, I will wipe my tears and keep on moving.

I do know that every aspect of my life is thoroughly minded by the God who sees. And that I have from Him a promise to lead me along the best pathway for my life.

So, in spite of the pain of moving on, I am accepting to lean and trust the God who has the best intentions for me.

And so, today, I pray for Grace: for myself and for whoever will one day come across this write-up in their moments of aching loss and need. I pray Grace lifts your heart from the miry depths of despair, and teaches your feet to dance upon disappointments.

I pray your eyes are able to look beyond the tears towards the Lord who has the whole of your life planned out, and that your heart is able to lay hold on the future He has so detailedly and lovingly planned out for you.

So, do not fret, dear friend. Night lasts for only a little while, and with it comes a heightened appreciation of the day-time.

You are loved and well cared for.