Today, it dawned on me that it's so much easier rejecting something you've never had. And as I'm taken through a class called "delayed gratification", even as a part of me wonders of there'll be any gratification at all, there's this incessant urge to do.
To move and not be left behind.
To have what it looks like so many others are enjoying. For what was once the first time in my life early this year, but has now become the umpteenth time since then, I am left battling between the desire to just have irrespective of the means and consequences, and the desire to wait on my Lord.
And not for the first time, I'm grateful this blog is hidden. Hopefully, before the Lord ever gets the world to see it, and that is if He wants to, I'd be at a point where baring this part of my heart to the world wouldn't haunt me.
Anyways, we're 185 days into the year, with 180 days left to spare. And as much as I have learned, I have also hurt. I would liken this process of mine no longer to fire—for that is a phase I seem to have come out of for now—but to pressure.
A steady, unnerving pressure that would most likely have pulled me under if I didn't have Jesus.
I'm chronicling here today, not because I had something in particular to share, but because I want to remember this moment.
The moment where I longed heavily for all that life had to taunt me with, but decided to stay still and remain heavily tilted towards my anchor and life's support. I choose to mark today as a special moment on history—as a day when my greatest desires were put before me, but I was strengthened enough to turn away towards the One who has good plans for me.
Today, I celebrate the lady in the process, and I rejoice for the woman she's sure to become. One of inward elegance and beauty; one with a strengthened core. I celebrate Ofure Angela Ogbidi.
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