Sometimes, it feels like I'm choking. Everything feels so fast, so frantic and it's like I can't get in enough air.
Sometimes, I sit there and Panic sinks its claws in and clutches on to the walls of my chest, and at those points, I can barely breathe.
Sometimes, when I seem to forget who I really am and gaze upon my flaws and limitations, seeing them splattered all over the canvas of my heart like 3d-paintings, I could literally trip over the rows and rows of fear-chunks strewn haphazardly all over my mental-floor.
Sometimes, I look at this girl in the mirror and gulp loudly on behalf of the world and the people in it- the lives that are meant to be touched and changed through me. And I tell myself, "it's a good thing the world isn't depending on this girl in the mirror to save them. I'm barely standing as it is."
It's at those times that He comes. He really comes and sweeps me off my feet, gathers me into His arms and just lets me stay there till my heart is still again.
It's at those points He reminds me that I'm not alone and I've never had to live life on my own. He reminds me that it's a partnership, a two-for-the-price-of-one-kind-of-deal: it really doesn't do the description justice but it does come kind of close.
It's at those points the words of Paul run through my heart with immense speed, swiftly and neatly piling up the chunks of fear and setting the heaps ablaze under the intense heat of His love: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!
When I feel good or I don't, when I'm in plenty or I'm not, when I've got the words down pat or I sound like I can't speak to save my own life, or even when I feel like my world's so messy it could be the poster child for 'topsy-turvy", He lets me lean into Him, take in huge calming gulps of air and simmer in His love again till I remember who's in control- who has always been in charge. I've come to know that all that matters is the one pulling the string. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!
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