TACKLING DERISION: WHEN PATHS DIFFER

"Some years back I was going to marry him because he planned on leaving the country soon after. But I didn't and married someone else. Today, I and my husband are touring the globe. As for the other guy,"—insert mocking chuckle—"I don't know what became of him, but I doubt he'd be up to my husband's level right now."

"I applied for the job, but for some reason I didn't get it. Today, I receive far more than I would ever have earned there while others are still slaving away trying to make six-figure salaries a month."—insert derisive snort—"Well I guess every disappointment has a concealed blessing in it."

"She was said to be brighter than me when the work was just starting. But along the way, she decided to stop for God-knows-what. Now, she's nothing but a housewife doing freelance teaching and writing on the internet while I'm a globetrotter who goes on various business assignments for my office".—insert cocky smile—"so it's not how far, but how well."

How many of us have heard similar 'success stories' where people try to downplay others in their tales—when retelling it from their point of view—so their stories feel more inspiring?

Some days ago, I was a spectator and willing participant in a discussion a good friend of mine was having with someone else. I couldn't help but notice how different the story she had picked to tell the lady sounded when compared to the other times I'd been privy to similar success stories and I'd heard people talk about theirs. Pondering on it for a while, I suddenly realised what had been missing—the usual downplaying of the other person's (she had needed to use as a case study in her chat with the lady) life and decisions! Ironically, the story was still just as inspiring, and I'm sure the lady was motivated—because I know I was.

Why is it that many of us feel this way? Even I, time and time again, have had to fight this urge to make my story flashier when sharing it with others by not derisively sharing stories of people I'd known who had been in a similar situation as me but seemed to not have 'made it'—at least by the general standards.

Many times, when we are disappointed in certain circumstances, either by people or things, there's a part of us that doesn't want those involved to have the last word. That part of us longs for divine retribution—it hungers for the day when we can walk up to them, or speak it from a distance and be sure they'd hear and know they were the ones being talked about, and say words like, "I told you so" or "Who'd have thought! The tables have turned." in our mocking, condescending tones.

Some of us, even subconsciously, wish ill for others so we can tell them later that the choices they'd made had been wrong—and that we had been right! And while sometimes it is true—that our situations turned out better than theirs—it is a sad, sad person that needs to rub it in or mock those who didn't become as successful as they did just to feel a sense of greatness. In fact, if looked at closely, one cannot help but wonder if deeply hidden behind the subtle or blatant mockery, is a need for consolation for the rejection we have faced, a defense mechanism to help us when we feel inferior, or a constant reaffirmation that we hadn't lost out by not following in the same path as they had.

Like we have noted from the aforementioned paragraph, some times our situations truly are better. We might really have hit a big mine of blessings in that tunnel of disappointment. But there are times when the outcomes are different. When the person really is doing well wherever they are—and we need to suck it up and accept that well enough so we can share about them objectively, and fight against the urge of our biased hearts to paint ourselves better in comparison.

So the guy you didn't marry for whatever reason—he married someone else; they're also living 'happily ever after' in their corner of the globe and affecting lives in their own way. Did you feel a twinge of pain as you read that? Then you have to deal with it in your heart. Find a way to come to terms with that feeling and move on, because trying to make yourself feel better by putting others down doesn't satisfy you for too long.

What about the lady who resigned from your high-flying establishment—though she had in all honesty being doing better than you—to become a freelance teacher, writer and a housewife? How would you feel to know that her goal and dream had always been to get just enough funds to begin her freelance work so she could spend quality time on her kids and on things she considered far more important and satisfying than she receiving encomium and laurels at work? It sounds unbelievable right? But what if it's the truth? What does it do to your mind?

A popular story many of us would be able to relate with would be that of Rancho—the main character—in the Indian movie, "Three idiots". I can only imagine how many of us giggled or guffawed when Chatur (the guy who always crammed stuff) found out at the end that Rancho had been the inventor he had been trying to get a meeting with—so he could sign a deal for his company with him—after he had already come so far from his place to rub in his own extremely worthy achievements and had seemingly embarrassed the guy and mocked him for being a mere teacher.

Yeah,—I laughed my heart out when I got to that scene (I think I even started crying). I totally felt like that guy had it coming from scene one. And I'm sure even then, many of us longed to be Rancho and see the look on the faces of our 'naysayers' when they saw just how much we'd progressed. But, have we ever stopped to wonder if we could be in the shoes of Chatur? It's not a nice feeling, is it? But neither is it a shoe we are compelled to be in.

That man (Chatur) forced himself into that position because he couldn't stop comparing and trying to get a chance to mock Rancho—and we all saw how that turned out:

This was what I'd call an 'epic fail'.

Anyways, it's clear that we also force ourselves into such positions when we try to do the same to others.

So beloved, get a grip. Accept the fact that others who didn't do things your way or who rejected you, might just be doing just as well as you are, sometimes even better. Come to terms with the fact that because it wasn't right for you, doesn't mean it's an entirely bad choice for the person who decides to take that path. Accept the fact, be at peace with yourself, avoid giving in to derisive thoughts or statements, and move on to be a better version of yourself everyday.

You are loved and well cared for.