On receiving and giving Corrections

It's really no news that in these days, people have diverse opinions on correction/criticism – how it should be given, what classifies it as 'positive' or 'negative'. when it should be given or if it should be given at all.

Day in and day out, we come across people who push forward the several extremes associated with correction(because while some other issues have just two extremes and then a middle ground or 'grey area', the topic of correction has been known to possess quite an alarming amount of extremes and opinions) — a few of which include:

You aren't meant to correct anyone. Who are you to judge?

'I say it the way I see it, and if you can't take a simple correction without crying about it, then that's your problem, not mine!'

"You have no right to speak to me in that manner and for that reason, there is nothing you say that I'm going to even consider."

'The only person who has a right to correct me would be those that I deem worthy of doing so.'

"I'm not a fan of confrontations, so I usually try to deal with the flaws of others without talking to them about it, because I can't deal with how dramatic the outcomes get at times."

Is there anything like the "appropriate time" to correct someone? I believe in saying it when I've had it up to here(raises hand to neck for emphasis).

A lot of us can identify with some of these opinions because we either still believe in them or we might have said same at some point in our lives. Being someone who hated confrontations myself, I had lived in the extreme of not correcting others and not wanting to be corrected, because it usually made at least one party feel bad – and I really didn't enjoy the moodiness associated with a correction 'session'.

But over time, I got to see that correction was something that was indeed necessary for growth. That of course still did nothing to change the fact that I abhorred it though, and so for a while I lived in the phase of "If I do things perfectly, then there'd be no need for me to be corrected anyways.". This however was just me trying to glaze over the issue instead of facing it head on(and the thing about sweeping things under the carpet is that one day they become too large to ignore, Le sigh). It got really hard for me at some point and that was when I decided I was going to find the right way for this stuff in scripture – because if it could be found in the word of God, then it means it could be done because there would be the grace made available to achieve it. The scriptures and scenarios I came across changed my perspective on it and are still doing so till date.

So, let's begin this journey as I share some of them with you!

On receiving correction:

"If you try to correct an arrogant cynic,

expect an angry insult in return.

And if you try to confront an evil man,

don’t be surprised if all you get is a slap in the face!

So don’t even bother to correct a mocker,

for he’ll only hate you for it.

But go ahead and correct the wise;

they’ll love you even more."

– Proverbs 9:7-8(The Passion Translation)

Unfortunately for many of us(myself included about a few months ago), when we read a scripture like this, we usually(though unconsciously) place ourselves in the shoes of the 'corrector', and our thoughts usually go something like; "Truly(*insert long--suffering head shake here), some people just don't get it when you're trying to help them. The Bible was right in saying that only wise people love you when you correct them – *insert most recent or most painful experience of you trying to correct someone who clearly needed your help – because the foolish ones just don't seem to get it(*insert self-righteous sigh)". We are usually quick to see others as the ones at fault(this is actually the foundation of every extreme opinion out there) and ourselves as the pitiful, abused victims or the totally correct, right-minded individuals.

However, if we could only for a moment drag ourselves into being the 'correctee', we would end up reaping a wealth of knowledge that would change our lives and journey of growth, forever.

It takes maturity(both spiritually and emotionally) to realise that sometimes the most valuable of corrections don't come in the nicest of packages. Some humans(regrettably) have yet to learn the art of 'subtlety', or what it means to give corrections in a manner that doesn't leave people hurt or depressed for days. Because of that, their corrections might come in blunt, brusque, rude or(just plain) mean packages. And though it usually takes being painfully honest with ourselves, sometimes when we dig deep or polish them well enough, we get to uncover a layer of flaws that do in fact need correcting.

And though it usually takes being painfully honest with ourselves, sometimes when we dig deep or polish them well enough, we get to uncover a layer of flaws that do in fact need correcting

However, in everything balance is a necessity. The fact that someone has indeed learnt or is learning to take corrections and make the most of it, regardless of whatever form they come in, doesn't exclude the other party from learning how to pass along our corrections in a much better way. This brings us to our next scripture.

On giving correction:

"A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire."

– Proverbs 15:1(The message translation)

Humans generally turn defensive when they feel like they're being attacked — this could lead to people either tuning out your words or talking back in a bid to defend themselves. And so, the methods by which we pass across any information, be it a correction or a new piece of information, really does affect the way it is received(afterall, even someone who has truly mastered the art of fishing for good advice in ugly packages would always appreciate a tenderly and carefully voiced note of concern or correction about a flaw.).

This does not in any way counter firmly rebuking actions or flaws that are wrong, — after all, even the Lord Jesus firmly rebuked the influence of the devil over Peter when he said something contrary to the will of God – but it is meant to only bring our attention to the fact that when we speak out to correct, what we should be speaking against should not be the person themselves but the action or influence over said person. We should do so with the motive to protect and nurture. This way of thinking causes us to view every word we utter to others as a sharp surgical tool that can either be used in treating an ailment or causing further harm if not properly handled.

With the aforementioned in mind, I came across a scripture that balanced it out:

"Winsome words spoken at just the right time

are as appealing as apples gilded in gold

and surrounded with silver.

To humbly receive wise correction

adorns your life with beauty

and makes you a better person."

– Proverbs 25:11-12 (The Passion Translation; emphasis, mine)

This allows us note the following:

1. Correction and advice is a necessity for growth. There is a difference between being long-suffering or being a nagger and watching someone suffer from a flaw they have no idea of, without doing anything to talk to them about it and help them grow, just because we're scared of confronting them about it or do not care enough to do so.

2. Words at the right time are invaluable. This means that there is a time advice should be given, and there is a time silence actually does work better. This is where trusting the Holy Spirit to lead you on when to speak comes in.

3. It takes maturity to realise that life-building advices can come from even the most unlikely sources and humility to accept the advices when they come.

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Author's note

God is intentional about the growth of every child, and one way we grow is by humbly taking corrections and learning from past mistakes. I pray this builds someone.

We are loved and greatly cared for.