It's funny how day after day, we're often left with reminders from God about things we should already know. I've had a lot of reminders recently, but I'll share only one of them today.
These days, I find myself caught in a thick web of burdens, worries, and fears. And whenever it's like I'm coming out of it, I find myself trapped in another layer over again. It's been hectic, and sometimes, it's like the sunny days are so far in between. There have been few times when I've felt this down, and it's like there's pressure from all sides, fighting tooth and nail to keep me under.
But God is all knowing, and because he sees how things are ahead of us, he has already planned ahead. All through the weekend, I shuffled through my playlist. And each song seemed to ring out the same message, "Ofure, lay your burdens down."
On some days, I tell myself and God I will. But when things don't seem to go well, and my efforts begin to fall short again, I'm caught back into the web of fear and failings. But God's so beautiful, because no matter how many times I succumb, he's always there to remind me that we're a tag team, and he's always ready to back me up.
It's hard for us to not try to rely on our sufficiency. No responsible person likes being shown the ineptitude they possess in certain areas. We're often more comfortable building our strengths than facing these weaknesses that put us out under the spotlight—those parts of us that make us feel like we're six-year olds again, attending a new primary school for the first time and feeling so lost and alone, totally unused to the territory.
Sometimes, I look at myself and wonder how God's going to make a wonder out of me. Sometimes, it looks so impossible, so out of reach. I sometimes feel like he'd have better chances with people who aren't so frightened or hesitant all the time. But at the same time, in my heart of hearts, I really do want to see the miracle that is the change in me occur. I want to look at myself ten years from now and be awestruck. I want it to be as clear as day what a miracle it was—God turning me from a frightened, socially awkward girl to a strong, confident young woman. I want to be able to share my life's story with people, leaving them without a doubt that God had everything to do with it, and not some self-help therapy.
And I want to also remember it as well.
I want to remember the days that positive thoughts weren't enough to pick me out from the muck, and what saved me were the words from God.
I want to remember the days when I had no clue whatsoever on what to do, and heard my heart beat so steadily and strongly within my chest, till I could practically feel his hand upon my head, leading me.
I want to remember how I trembled as I faced each fear, and he calmly stood by me, even when I took too long to get to the next level.
I want to remember his gentleness, even as he whispers to me daily, "Ofure, lay your burdens down."
I pray these prayers ring true for you as well. You are loved eternally.
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