It's not that hard.
These were the words I felt more than heard, being whispered to my soul, as I struggled once more to walk in God's perfect will for me.
You see, I've been formerly a severe worrywart. And these days, I still find myself prone to severe bellyaching, nail-biting worry. Some days are better than others though, but this day was one of those exceptions—today, I was terrified.
Terrified my words would never fully do enough. Terrified I'd miss it somehow and in some act of wilful disobedience, ruin God's plans for me with my own hands. Terrified I'd never be able to fully surrender my many desires and passions to the beauty that is his will. These days, such terrors have been my bane. And fiercely backing it up, has been the ever-aching urge to get. things. right.
To not fail. To never slip. To always be full of strength so I'm never caught unawares.
These warnings ring in my head on some days as often as I breathe—perhaps much more, at my worst moments. They start off as steady streams of thoughts, till they grow and threaten to drown me in their depths.
At those points, all I can think of is all that can go wrong, and reasons why they will. My ineptitude stares me in the face—my lack of will, a constant torture and reminder of my unfortunate weakness at the worst of times; the presence of heart-stopping fear even when I try to put up a strong facade; my constant susceptibility to wanting to withdraw from the drama and horrors of life.
All these scream out to me—you're unworthy. You'll never make it, never let him work. Never do all heaven expects and wants.
But today, just like he has done many days before,—though it seems I am prone to severe, recurrent bouts of forgetfulness—he reminds me that it's not that hard.
Because the sheep knows the Master's voice. And more than any other, she'll answer her master and rest in his embrace and his reassuring strength—inept in so many ways or not.
So I breathe easier again, for today. Assured that when fear comes another time, panic smoothly riding on his coattails as well, my shepherd will be here to soothe me again. And that the more my trusting heart learns the innately familiar crooning of his voice, the more I'll learn that it's not that hard.
With God, it never is.
🔥🔥❤️