In the waiting, Trust.

So, you might remember a post some weeks back where I talked about no longer being worried about Time, and all that it hid from me…

Well, turns out that wasn't completely true (I know, I was shocked as well).

Now, the past few weeks turned out to rockiest stage of my growth so far; like, ever. If the words topsy-turvy, mental breakdown and panic attack ever held no meaning for me, they sure do now.

I was broken, and all my chunks were blown away.

But through it all, somewhat paradoxically, I still felt loved. I felt His love.

Boy, did I have questions. I still do. I look at the sky everyday, and ask God how Abraham felt waiting on him for Isaac for twenty-five whole years. Like, even I can sorta relate with why they tried getting the promise-child through Hagar. It must have been a long, sometimes painful wait. It must have been hard, mentally-gruelling and filled with periods of deep questions and momentary uncertainties.

It must have been how I feel right now writing this. Just you know, extremely longer.

(My respect for Father Abraham just keeps skyrocketing… Man, he went through processes)

But the bible shows that both he and Sarah believed that He is faithful who had promised (hidden kitchen-laughter aside) and this raw belief kept them trusting.

So yeah, on most days, I'm still not very sure where we're going, but he's given me plenty words about what he wants to do with me, through me, in me, and what plans he has in store for me.

So, on the days when I gave into the dark shadows of panic that somehow found a way to sneak into my heart, I saw him drive them away ferociously with beams of burning, searing light. A light that contained heavy promises:

"I know the thoughts I have towards you, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and an expected end."

"I am for you, and I love you."

"I am the lifter of your head."

"We're in a partnership, beloved."

"I love you more than you could ever love your self. I want the best for you."

"I am with you, always."

"I believe in you."

So, chin up child of God. Because broken heart, unanswered questions and all, you're unequivocally loved, and the one who's doing the loving is also the person who's doing the leading.

What more could you ask for?