5 BUILDING BLOCKS FOR INTIMACY

Anyone else here have that special someone or set of people that you just stop to stare at in the middle of a conversation and wonder how in God's name you guys got so close? I know I do!

You find yourself being able to talk with them about almost anything and everything! And for some people, they actually do talk about anything and everything.

Well, you'd agree with me if I stated matter-of-factly that it wasn't always like that, right? And I'm sure that for almost ninety-five percent of us, there was a time in our lives when we didn't know these precious people or have them around us—except they're our family members of course. And even then, if your special person happens to be someone in your family you were born before, then you still got to spend some time without them.

But I digress.

Now, back to the topic at hand. These five building blocks are just some of the many wonderful things that heighten intimacy in any kind of relationship—be it with God or with people. And the amazing thing is that somehow, they all find a way to revolve around the basic foundation needed for every relationship to progress—communication.

So let's take a look at them together, one after the other:

Building block I—VULNERABILITY

Did I just hear someone's heart skip a bit? Well, I feel you. These days, it's sad to say that there's probably nothing harder than being vulnerable in a relationship. Because to be vulnerable means you open up yourself completely to the other party/parties. It's us learning to be unguarded around others. And with all the backstabbing and fake-love we keep seeing or hearing about everyday, it's becoming more difficult to open up to others, because there's always the soul-deep question, what if they leave me hurt and wounded?

Like I said before, I feel you. But if we really want to build a better, more intimate relationship with those special people, then we must be willing to be vulnerable around them.

We need to learn that there are few things as beautiful as a relationship where all parties involved have their souls completely bared to each other.

Building block II—TRUST

"Wait… Hold up babe. Isn't vulnerability and trust the same thing? I mean, if you're gonna be vulnerable around someone, then you must trust them, right?", is what I can almost hear someone saying right now.

Well, yes, you are absolutely correct. But while vulnerability requires that you trust this person or these people, it isn't the same thing as trust. The latter leads to the former.

The most important thing we need to remember about trust is that it entails us being confident in whomever we place it on. Trust is something we give to people because we believe they've earned it. And it is something no relationship can survive without.

A relationship without trust is like a boat with a hole in its bottom, letting water in. One day, if not handled, the amount of water in that boat is going to become too much, and it will cause it to sink.

Building block III—SINCERITY

I'm sure we're tired of seeing so many relationships crumble and come to an end, because the people involved couldn't be genuine about themselves.

We live in a time where a lot of people are very loud about their (sometimes hurtful and often biased) opinions. And as is common with human nature, everyone wants to feel accepted and belong somewhere or with someone.

Unfortunately, in a bid to earn acceptance, many people have had to lie about themselves. We see people jokingly explaining away their unique quirks, habits or even enjoyable hobbies, because they're scared with them they won't fit in.

And the sad thing about living a lie, is that it gets exhausting. There comes a time when we'll get tired of pretending to be what we're not. Because the truth is that there are certain things at our core, that make us the unique people we are, that we just can't hide forever. Sooner or later, the cracks in the facade we've made will begin to show, and people will then start to get a glimpse into our true nature.

It's at that point we hear of friendships breaking because one of them wasn't sincere about himself or herself. It would be wrong of me though, if I don't point out the fact that on other occassions—though less often than the former—the revelation of our true selves can end up making others fall in love with us more.

But, what if we do show our true selves and we end up being shunned for it? Well, we should learn not to feel bad, and love ourselves all the same—the amazing us that God Himself handcrafted. Because the truth, is that there will always be people who will love us for who we truly are.

A word of advice though—it's not wisdom to have a flaw and relish it, claiming it as a part of our 'true selves'. We should be sincere enough to accept when something is flat-out a bad habit, and work on it.

Building block IV—HEARTFELT REMORSE WHEN WE ERR (WITHOUT THE TAINT OF GUILT)

Who else mentally groans when we, let's say, call a friend we haven't heard from in a long while, and they spend several precious (we-could-have-started-an-amazing-gist-by-now) seconds complaining about how we forgot them? Hands up so I can try to count ourselves.

Or, who else has been called by that awesome person you've been expecting to talk with all week, only to hear them plead on and on for your forgiveness (though you were never really angry of course) because they feel bad for having 'forgotten' you all this while (while you mentally weep at all the sweet, sweet airtime being exhausted)?

Notice how guilt can turn a sweet moment sour? Or how bitter we get when we show someone how they hurt us and they don't show remorse?

Well, these two feelings—remorse and guilt—are so closely related. But while one aids in heightening intimacy, the other kills it. No relationship can survive if one or both members, when called into question for a wrong action, are unwilling to accept their wrongs and change for the better. And in the same vein, no relationship thrives when guilt is constantly eating at the roots and leaves.

It's like making a soup—if you put in too little salt, the soup turns out almost-tasteless. Yet, if you put in too much salt, well… we all know how that turns out. So, let's learn to salt our dishes appropriately (while keeping it in mind that some people consume more salt than others—cue extra-large smile).

Building block V—PATIENCE

Someone who came to read this post while waiting for a dear friend to reply their messages (again), just let out a loud groan. I'm very sorry (giggling nervously)!

So many of us right now, are at the stage in our relationships where the popular quote, Patience is a virtue, is almost beginning to lose its touch.

It's a pain to experience yes, but we can't help but admit it that there are times in our lives, when our loved ones make us feel like dragging at our hair or push us to the point where those our mental facepalms come out of our thoughts and express themselves physically, out of sheer frustration. Those points when we look at these persons and we're like, "you're lucky I like you.", and they just grin cheekily back at us, while we stand there fighting to keep our faces all sober and upset, even as our traitorous lips seem bent on breaking out in a smile.

During those times when we feel like comically hitting our heads, their heads or both, against the wall in tired long-suffering, let's learn to remind ourselves of all the great (and weirdly mundane) reasons we cherish these people.

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Author's note: we must realise that intimacy though sometimes unplanned at first, will only survive if these five building blocks (amidst others) are always in place.

And I'll say it again, that with God or with man, these five building blocks, have their roles to play—though with God it's quite simpler as we do not need to deal with the variableness of the human nature.

Also, do remember that some people are harder to get through to than others, but if they mean a lot to us, then we'll pull through and keep giving it our all—because we believe they deserve it.

Finally, in spite of what I just said above (or perhaps because of it), never forget that in the dance of intimacy, it takes two to tango.

Sayonara!